Mini updates

First I'll start this posts by saying that I went to weigh in last Thursday night after having missed the week before. The good news is that I had lost another 2.8 pounds in the 2 weeks, so that put me down a whole 12 pounds! I am currently at 170.2, which I have not been at in quite some time. I still have another 30 pounds to go to get at my ideal weight, but right now I'm focusing on getting to my 10% goal at WW, which is actually the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I think I could get there sooner if I actually exercised more, so I'm trying to really get a schedule going for more of that. It's just that every time I plan to work out in the morning, I end up getting called to the hospital. And right now, a paycheck is much more important than the workout.

In other news, I got my paycheck from the hospital this week and I'm happy to report that I was able to put in enough hours there to make up for my lost paycheck from getting laid off at the travel agency. That made me breathe a little sigh of relief, since I was worried about that. Plus I had gotten a message that there was an "issue" with my unemployment claim, so I knew I wasn't going to see any of that anytime soon. I'm now wondering if the issue is that I'm working too many hours to make the claim. We'll have to see; they are supposed to be sending me some kind of letter with the info on that.

Still trying to push Lexie into getting a different job and getting herself back on track. She did manage to get some babysitting in this weekend which gave her some extra cash. But she can't rely on that all the time; she still needs to actively get out there and look. Sigh. So hard for her to see our points of view, yet I know what I'm telling her is only for her benefits. You try not to make life so hard for your kids, but they end up testing the waters anyway. She's going to find out soon that life isn't a barrel of roses all the time.

That's about all here. It's a completely gorgeous day out and I am going to thoroughly enjoy the next 2 days here, before it turns rainy and cold and (ack) snowy!!

Another weigh in (although its not an official one)

I didn't make it to Weight Watchers last night, but I did manage to weigh in at home. I was mildly surprised when I realized that I had lost yet another 1.8 pounds. I figured with all the stress going on, I wouldn't have been able to take anything off. But I'm glad that I am still losing....it continues to keep me motivated in the right direction anyway.

I think my daughter is trying to put me in an early grave! It's been non stop surprises, none of them good either. I'm not sure where her head is....2 weeks ago she hit a deer, because she was going somewhere with a friend, after telling us that she'd be home. Sigh. So we're dealing with that right now, the repairs from that accident. Two days ago, I found out that she'd gotten a speeding ticket.....20 miles over the limit, yikes! And the way I found out wasn't good either. I found out because she had overdrawn on her account to pay for that ticket. Since my name is on hers as a joint account (she opened it when she was under-age) the debit memo came to both of us. I proceeded to go through her checking account with her and found out that she hadn't been keeping track of her finances for quite some time, despite me getting on her about making sure she knew her balances. And then yesterday, when I went to the bank to take care of the overdrawn amounts and close the accounts (I didn't want my name on them anymore), I was again was surprised by the fact that she had written a check for $258 for a new cell phone, specifically AFTER I had told her not to get it right now. Sigh.

I don't know what's going on with her, but I'm done trying to give her advice or do anything for her anymore. I had been going to bat for her so many times with Tim, all the time not knowing that I was being played. So yeah, I'm done. She's going to learn the hard way and now she's pretty much broke and have to start over. I can't get her car transferred in her name (the title is in my name, so they won't take me off her loan), so she's going to have to play by MY rules, or she won't have a car to drive. And if she thinks or wants to move out that's fine....but her car won't go with her while the title is in my name...so yeah, she's pretty much messed her stuff up now.

I can't continue to carry the stress load that I've been carrying, because its going to make me even sicker than it already has. So I'm done worrying about saving her butt and let her make her own mistakes......but not at my cost. Tim and I will do our thing and let her figure out just what it is she wants out of life. We've had the talks, now its time for her to take action. I'd like to see her take some responsibility, get her head out of her butt and really get her head on straight. I know she can do it if she wants to....the question will be whether she really focuses on doing it. Only time will tell.

I can't seem to keep it together emotionally

Since September, I've been having health issues that are related to stress. I had 2 lip breakouts in September, when I found out it was because the virus I have becomes aggravated by the stress levels kept in my body. So since the 10th of this month, when I got laid off from work at the travel agency on my birthday, I have just had a multitude of things happen in succession that have left me with little strength emotionally.

Lexie hit a deer; to that extent we've been battling with her about being responsible. She's gotten so lazy lately and its just been a constant battle at our house, especially between her and Tim. She's only working 1 day a week and even then, its not constant. She doesn't help out at home, and balks when you ask her to do something. We've been on her to find a different job and to start looking for a job that she can do during the Christmas break (she'll be off for a month) but she continues to procrastinate about everything, to the point where it just puts Tim and I in a bad space, between us and with her too.

I filed for unemployment for my job with the travel agency but am continuing to try and seek more hours at the hospital. While there is a need there, there is no set hours or guarantee, so I just bide my time and try to get as many hours as possible. I have to call in to unemployment, actively seek out employment, which isn't easy in the lines of work that I'm in for this town. If I have too many hours at the hospital, they won't pay the unemployment, which doesn't help our situation any.

Yesterday, to put icing on the cake, our basement drain started to back up and we had water in one corner of the basement. We ended up having to drag pails of water out of there so that we could see enough to find out what's causing the problem. I'm waiting for the plumber to get back to us and see if he can come see what the problem is.

So what happens to Sue when all of this falls on her shoulders? My shoulders get tense, it goes right up into the base of my neck, into my head and gives me the worst headaches ever. I wake up this morning with.........you guessed it, yet another breakout on my lip. No hives thank god, but still it means that the daily meds that they've got me on aren't working enough. So now the last resort is to put me on the expensive meds.....the ones that are $10 a pill. With no insurance for me.

I am seriously feeling so down and in a hole that I just want to give up and stay in bed.....for the rest of the week and year. I can't even begin to think about therapy for my stress, because again, I have no flippin insurance. I am missing my best friends, the ones that I can go to and commiserate with, cry with and at the very least, spend an evening away with and make things go away, if only momentarily. But they are 1,600 miles away in Florida.

I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there. I know I said this last week, but its not getting any better. I just don't know how much more I can take emotionally, without completely losing my mind.

For anyone that got through all this, thanks for reading.....I just needed to get it out somewhere, because my family just isn't getting it here. They don't understand why I'm so stressed and why I feel like a complete emotional basketcase.

It went better than I thought

Tonight was another weigh in night. I wasn't going to go, convinced that I hadn't lost anything and almost sure that I had gained. I just had not been good this weekend, nor have I done a bit of exercise this week, except for the running of errands and that kind of crap, which I don't consider exercise. But lo and behold, I did manage to lose another pound! I was shocked.

I know I still need to get my butt in gear, drink more and exercise more for sure. I am hoping that I get a schedule down pat, so that I can figure out when I can exercise and make time for some actual exercise. And drink more water. I know that today for example, I did not drink enough liquid in general. I just ran around doing errands and things and didn't get my liquids in.

But after Monday, I did stick to my points and I have found out that the less I cheat, the less I want to cheat. After Saturday's dinner at Red Lobster and Sunday's doughnut, it was so tempting to have a piece of coffee cake at a training on Wednesday, but I didn't. Fortunately I had brought a WW mini bar with me and had it instead. Was it as good as the coffee cake? Probably not, but I am glad now that I stuck to my guns. I was also able to resist a doughnut this morning, and glad I did that as well.

I know it won't be bad to cheat every now and again, but I don't think I'm ready yet, because when I get a taste of something good, I want it again and again and again. And I'm not ready for that. I want and NEED to get many, many more pounds off yet.

Other than that, things are ok. Not great, but not terrible. I'm trying to get more hours at the hospital and keep busy. I would like to be able to stay busy enough that I don't need to look for other income, but I don't know if its going to happen. Time will tell I guess.

Another weigh-in night

I went to weigh in last night at Weight Watchers and I'm down another pound. Just one pound, which was a little upsetting to me, since I've been doing what I am supposed to do and even kicking up my exercise a little. It's terribly frustrating......I feel better, I feel like my clothes are fitting looser, but I'm not seeing the results on the scale and it makes me upset.

I also notice that my scale at home shows that I've lost a pound more than what the scale at Weight Watchers does. But I'm not sure if its the difference between weighing at home in the morning and weighing in at night at Weight Watchers or what. All I know is that it makes me feel like I haven't accomplished my goals when I get there and its not what I want.

This weekend is looming ahead of me too; knowing that we'll be going out to eat more. I'm going to try and make the good choices, but sometimes, its just so hard. I don't want to give in, but yet at the same time, I don't want to deprive myself all the time.

Last night we had breakfast for dinner. I had low calorie multi grain bread, which I totally love on most days. But all I could do is look at the nice fluffly buttermilk biscuits on Tim's plate and want those in a HUGE way. Sigh.

But I'll keep plugging along. A loss is a loss no matter how big or little, that's what I keep telling myself.

Weigh in

Last night was my official second weigh in with Weight Watchers. While I lost 2 pounds, it wasn't what I thought it would be. I seriously thought I had lost more (and according to my scale at home I did, an additional pound). So I was a little bummed, but still pleased that I'm headed in the right direction.

I need to work on being more motivated to work out more. Wednesday night, I forced myself to get on my mini stair stepper and work out for a good 1/2 hour. I was sweating up a storm, which is exactly what I needed. But it was more work than fun, which is what I consider Lexie's class on Monday nights. I really enjoy that, I work up a good sweat and the hour goes by quick without really realizing that I worked out for an hour. I need more of that, but I'm not sure how to get it, since that kind of thing is really lacking here in a small town. Sigh.

I also probably need to stay away from some of the processed stuff I've been eating, even though it is points friendly. And stick to more natural fruits and vegetables. And get more water intake. But I just hate having to run to the bathroom every 5 minutes after drinking so much water, so I tend not to drink so much. But baby steps....I need to keep working on all of this.

In other news, things at the hospital are going ok without the crazy hospital nazi. And crazy she is indeed. I had the misfortune of running into her the other morning while coming out of an appointment and it scared me how unbalanced and just frantic/angry she seems to be these days. I ended up reporting it to her supervisor, because she made me feel THAT uncomfortable. It will be interesting to see what progresses and when.

Still frustrated with the kiddo. She's doing well in school and I'm glad that she's motivated. But she's not pulling her weight at home, or doing the things that she should do to become more responsible. I will give her credit for doing all that she's doing....work, school and all the dance and teaching that she's doing. But she needs to continue to pull it together and get her act together.

That's about all for this week folks. Working this weekend, so that's a complete bummer. Looking forward to the following weekend, a night out of town, YAY!!

I made the step!

I went to my first weigh in at Weight Watchers yesterday and got my materials. I signed up for their monthly pass, with Tim's blessing. I think he's starting to see how motivated I am and how serious I am about losing all this weight. So starting next week, I'll go to weigh in and I think I'll attend the meeting too. I am a little anal when it comes to doing this kind of thing, so I bought the starter kit, which inludes the food diary, plus I'm listing my foods in the e-tools online and activity as well. So far, I've earned 6 activity points this week, yay!

I am determined to stick to the program this go around and hope that I can get the weight off once again. I saw the mom of a friend of Lexie's yesterday who looked GREAT, so she's motivated me to keep going too. I even packed a lunch to take to the interpreters meeting today, after realizing how many points is in their egg salad sandwich (which really isn't that tasty). So I'll stay within my points and maybe be able to have a little something special tonight......

We were planning to go out to Applebee's where I could actually stay in WW points, but now I think Lexie might be home for supper, so those plans might get pitched. If we stay in, that would be even better, I can definitely stay within my points. And get some more activity points in too.

I hope I can continue to stay this motivated....its nice to see the pounds coming off, even if it is little by little. I know it won't happen overnight, but I'd like to be able to see them coming off like they are now.

I'm learning.......

that I can't fix everything. And I've noticed that my most wonderful teenaged daughter is trying to develop those same personalities, trying to do everything and please everyone. This last episode of my breakout, only 3 weeks from the last one was I think my little straw that broke the camels back. I have to step back and realize that no matter what, I'm probably going to piss someone off, I'm probably not going to get to everything and do everything. And I'm going to (try) and walk away from those situations that give me the greatest anxiety and stress, because its costing me my health right now.

On a good health note, I bought a digital scale today, to hold myself accountable. We had a regular older scale that is in Lexie's bathroom but I figured if I bought digital that actually gave me a number, I couldn't fudge my reading. Plus I want to compare it to what WW says (I think I'm going to my first meeting again tomorrow night! wow) and see where I stand. Based on what Lexie's scale said last week and what this one said, I'm down 3.2 pounds. Not a bad start......

On another good note, I think the new meds I got are working better than the plan we had before. So far, the swelling in my lip is down considerably AND my hives are much more controlled. The biggest plus is that my lip has not started to blister!! YAY! If I can avoid a blister, it will make for a much nicer healing. I don't want to have to spend another 2 weeks waiting for my lip to heal from blistering, so I'm keeping a positive outlook that I might be spared this time.

So where do I begin??

Kristie has inspired me to write on this blog instead....much easier to keep track of and much easier to read. I will try to post about my daily life as a mom, wife and 40 something year old female, trying to lose a few pounds and trying to keep sane in my life in the midwest.

This week has been an interesting one. My boss who is affectionately known in my world as the hospital nazi, has taken a medical leave of absence. I thought it was going to be a 3 week leave; turns out its a 3 MONTH leave. And in speaking with her supervisor, I just wonder if there's more to this story that I don't know. But in the meantime, things will get interesting without her. Hopefully it won't add any more stress to my work like than I've already had.

Stress is a huge factor in my life, between dealing with a very strong minded 18 yr old living at home and going to community college. And a great husband, but one that doesn't really know how to handle parenting our 18 yr old. They tend to butt heads ALOT, often putting me in the middle of their battles. It's something I'm working on, learning to stay out of their fights, but keep our household sane.

On the healthfront, I'm trying to keep myself as stress free as possible because we think that is what tends to make my cold sores and hives come out (at least that's what we know for now). I'm also trying to head down the right road and get the 40 something pounds that I need to lose off. My current weight is 175, which is more than I've ever weighed (while not being pg; I did weight this when I was pg but that was over 18 yrs ago). It makes me sad to see myself at this weight; I know its not healthy and as much as I've tried to do it by just cutting back on my food intake, its just not happening. So I've incorporated some exercise into my routine now.

Last week, I took my first cardio dance class with my daughter; she's the teacher. And this week, I took it one step further, by taking that class on Monday night, walking on the treadmill on Wednesday night for 45 minutes and then working out with weights and a stability ball last night for almost an hour. Not super fantastic, but definitely more effort than I had been putting into my exercise regimen. Now its a matter of actually keeping it up. I have also started to really count my foods, but I need to go back to entering them on SparkPeople, where I can see them square in the face for what I'm eating.

Tonight, we are going to a wedding and I'm going to try and be as good as possible while I'm there. However, I know that there probably will be foods that I'll have that I don't typically eat, so I'll make up for it by being extra good during the day. It will be an interesting evening anyway, as its the wedding of my stepson's stepbrother......so I'll be mingling with my husband's ex wife's family, hee.