Another weigh in (although its not an official one)

I didn't make it to Weight Watchers last night, but I did manage to weigh in at home. I was mildly surprised when I realized that I had lost yet another 1.8 pounds. I figured with all the stress going on, I wouldn't have been able to take anything off. But I'm glad that I am still losing....it continues to keep me motivated in the right direction anyway.

I think my daughter is trying to put me in an early grave! It's been non stop surprises, none of them good either. I'm not sure where her head is....2 weeks ago she hit a deer, because she was going somewhere with a friend, after telling us that she'd be home. Sigh. So we're dealing with that right now, the repairs from that accident. Two days ago, I found out that she'd gotten a speeding ticket.....20 miles over the limit, yikes! And the way I found out wasn't good either. I found out because she had overdrawn on her account to pay for that ticket. Since my name is on hers as a joint account (she opened it when she was under-age) the debit memo came to both of us. I proceeded to go through her checking account with her and found out that she hadn't been keeping track of her finances for quite some time, despite me getting on her about making sure she knew her balances. And then yesterday, when I went to the bank to take care of the overdrawn amounts and close the accounts (I didn't want my name on them anymore), I was again was surprised by the fact that she had written a check for $258 for a new cell phone, specifically AFTER I had told her not to get it right now. Sigh.

I don't know what's going on with her, but I'm done trying to give her advice or do anything for her anymore. I had been going to bat for her so many times with Tim, all the time not knowing that I was being played. So yeah, I'm done. She's going to learn the hard way and now she's pretty much broke and have to start over. I can't get her car transferred in her name (the title is in my name, so they won't take me off her loan), so she's going to have to play by MY rules, or she won't have a car to drive. And if she thinks or wants to move out that's fine....but her car won't go with her while the title is in my name...so yeah, she's pretty much messed her stuff up now.

I can't continue to carry the stress load that I've been carrying, because its going to make me even sicker than it already has. So I'm done worrying about saving her butt and let her make her own mistakes......but not at my cost. Tim and I will do our thing and let her figure out just what it is she wants out of life. We've had the talks, now its time for her to take action. I'd like to see her take some responsibility, get her head out of her butt and really get her head on straight. I know she can do it if she wants to....the question will be whether she really focuses on doing it. Only time will tell.

I can't seem to keep it together emotionally

Since September, I've been having health issues that are related to stress. I had 2 lip breakouts in September, when I found out it was because the virus I have becomes aggravated by the stress levels kept in my body. So since the 10th of this month, when I got laid off from work at the travel agency on my birthday, I have just had a multitude of things happen in succession that have left me with little strength emotionally.

Lexie hit a deer; to that extent we've been battling with her about being responsible. She's gotten so lazy lately and its just been a constant battle at our house, especially between her and Tim. She's only working 1 day a week and even then, its not constant. She doesn't help out at home, and balks when you ask her to do something. We've been on her to find a different job and to start looking for a job that she can do during the Christmas break (she'll be off for a month) but she continues to procrastinate about everything, to the point where it just puts Tim and I in a bad space, between us and with her too.

I filed for unemployment for my job with the travel agency but am continuing to try and seek more hours at the hospital. While there is a need there, there is no set hours or guarantee, so I just bide my time and try to get as many hours as possible. I have to call in to unemployment, actively seek out employment, which isn't easy in the lines of work that I'm in for this town. If I have too many hours at the hospital, they won't pay the unemployment, which doesn't help our situation any.

Yesterday, to put icing on the cake, our basement drain started to back up and we had water in one corner of the basement. We ended up having to drag pails of water out of there so that we could see enough to find out what's causing the problem. I'm waiting for the plumber to get back to us and see if he can come see what the problem is.

So what happens to Sue when all of this falls on her shoulders? My shoulders get tense, it goes right up into the base of my neck, into my head and gives me the worst headaches ever. I wake up this morning with.........you guessed it, yet another breakout on my lip. No hives thank god, but still it means that the daily meds that they've got me on aren't working enough. So now the last resort is to put me on the expensive meds.....the ones that are $10 a pill. With no insurance for me.

I am seriously feeling so down and in a hole that I just want to give up and stay in bed.....for the rest of the week and year. I can't even begin to think about therapy for my stress, because again, I have no flippin insurance. I am missing my best friends, the ones that I can go to and commiserate with, cry with and at the very least, spend an evening away with and make things go away, if only momentarily. But they are 1,600 miles away in Florida.

I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there. I know I said this last week, but its not getting any better. I just don't know how much more I can take emotionally, without completely losing my mind.

For anyone that got through all this, thanks for reading.....I just needed to get it out somewhere, because my family just isn't getting it here. They don't understand why I'm so stressed and why I feel like a complete emotional basketcase.

It went better than I thought

Tonight was another weigh in night. I wasn't going to go, convinced that I hadn't lost anything and almost sure that I had gained. I just had not been good this weekend, nor have I done a bit of exercise this week, except for the running of errands and that kind of crap, which I don't consider exercise. But lo and behold, I did manage to lose another pound! I was shocked.

I know I still need to get my butt in gear, drink more and exercise more for sure. I am hoping that I get a schedule down pat, so that I can figure out when I can exercise and make time for some actual exercise. And drink more water. I know that today for example, I did not drink enough liquid in general. I just ran around doing errands and things and didn't get my liquids in.

But after Monday, I did stick to my points and I have found out that the less I cheat, the less I want to cheat. After Saturday's dinner at Red Lobster and Sunday's doughnut, it was so tempting to have a piece of coffee cake at a training on Wednesday, but I didn't. Fortunately I had brought a WW mini bar with me and had it instead. Was it as good as the coffee cake? Probably not, but I am glad now that I stuck to my guns. I was also able to resist a doughnut this morning, and glad I did that as well.

I know it won't be bad to cheat every now and again, but I don't think I'm ready yet, because when I get a taste of something good, I want it again and again and again. And I'm not ready for that. I want and NEED to get many, many more pounds off yet.

Other than that, things are ok. Not great, but not terrible. I'm trying to get more hours at the hospital and keep busy. I would like to be able to stay busy enough that I don't need to look for other income, but I don't know if its going to happen. Time will tell I guess.

Another weigh-in night

I went to weigh in last night at Weight Watchers and I'm down another pound. Just one pound, which was a little upsetting to me, since I've been doing what I am supposed to do and even kicking up my exercise a little. It's terribly frustrating......I feel better, I feel like my clothes are fitting looser, but I'm not seeing the results on the scale and it makes me upset.

I also notice that my scale at home shows that I've lost a pound more than what the scale at Weight Watchers does. But I'm not sure if its the difference between weighing at home in the morning and weighing in at night at Weight Watchers or what. All I know is that it makes me feel like I haven't accomplished my goals when I get there and its not what I want.

This weekend is looming ahead of me too; knowing that we'll be going out to eat more. I'm going to try and make the good choices, but sometimes, its just so hard. I don't want to give in, but yet at the same time, I don't want to deprive myself all the time.

Last night we had breakfast for dinner. I had low calorie multi grain bread, which I totally love on most days. But all I could do is look at the nice fluffly buttermilk biscuits on Tim's plate and want those in a HUGE way. Sigh.

But I'll keep plugging along. A loss is a loss no matter how big or little, that's what I keep telling myself.

Weigh in

Last night was my official second weigh in with Weight Watchers. While I lost 2 pounds, it wasn't what I thought it would be. I seriously thought I had lost more (and according to my scale at home I did, an additional pound). So I was a little bummed, but still pleased that I'm headed in the right direction.

I need to work on being more motivated to work out more. Wednesday night, I forced myself to get on my mini stair stepper and work out for a good 1/2 hour. I was sweating up a storm, which is exactly what I needed. But it was more work than fun, which is what I consider Lexie's class on Monday nights. I really enjoy that, I work up a good sweat and the hour goes by quick without really realizing that I worked out for an hour. I need more of that, but I'm not sure how to get it, since that kind of thing is really lacking here in a small town. Sigh.

I also probably need to stay away from some of the processed stuff I've been eating, even though it is points friendly. And stick to more natural fruits and vegetables. And get more water intake. But I just hate having to run to the bathroom every 5 minutes after drinking so much water, so I tend not to drink so much. But baby steps....I need to keep working on all of this.

In other news, things at the hospital are going ok without the crazy hospital nazi. And crazy she is indeed. I had the misfortune of running into her the other morning while coming out of an appointment and it scared me how unbalanced and just frantic/angry she seems to be these days. I ended up reporting it to her supervisor, because she made me feel THAT uncomfortable. It will be interesting to see what progresses and when.

Still frustrated with the kiddo. She's doing well in school and I'm glad that she's motivated. But she's not pulling her weight at home, or doing the things that she should do to become more responsible. I will give her credit for doing all that she's doing....work, school and all the dance and teaching that she's doing. But she needs to continue to pull it together and get her act together.

That's about all for this week folks. Working this weekend, so that's a complete bummer. Looking forward to the following weekend, a night out of town, YAY!!